the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
