I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
