R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
