So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
