I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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