There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
