Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
