Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
