My Higher Power is John Stamos
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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