I hate all girls vehemently.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
