Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
