ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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