if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
