This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
