Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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