In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
