don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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