did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
