At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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