If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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