high people should be assigned attendants
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
