Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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