I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
