So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
