Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
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