I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
