Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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