if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
