Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
