he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
