I wish I could punch you in the face.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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