I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
