he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
