Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
