The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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