just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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