Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
