if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
