I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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