i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
