just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I don't deserve a penis
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Randomize
