I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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