i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
