it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
