I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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