i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
