I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
