Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
