She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
