they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
