I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
