At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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