Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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