Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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