ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
