Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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