when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Randomize
