My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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