i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
