thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
