you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm both gender and math confused
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
