Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Quick, to the slutcave!
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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