I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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