I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
