i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
