Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
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