I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
