i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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