Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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